About mothering...baby to soldier

Emerging
            by  Cathryn
He emerged once
weak, beginning, needy
nothing like he'd become
decades down the road.

Dozing as he grew
struggling, moving mountains;
     ME was his mantra.
A day passed and then another
and on and on he grew.

He stood defiant, knowing his mind
believing he was whole
yet still a kernel popping through
            the soil of time.
Violent, quiet, charming, words and words
            and endless ideas swam from his interior.

And his body did not contour to my own any longer;
his friends were over there, not here, not with me.
     And he grew in stature and he did know so much
(maybe not as much as he thought he knew, but much).

He wedded the princess of his youth and
 emerged a husband,
caring, protecting, loving, being a man.

And again, he emerges-
though this time his emergence takes him far from me.
That is okay for that is why this kernel grew
to be blown away by God's hand and grow in new lands.

And now another dark land emerges into his life
fighting his life.

A land of scrub brush and hidden bombs
of people fighting against my son, the infidel.
again, I pray he emerges, alive, stronger, wiser
and even more tender to what is true and beautiful.

Another Colmar Photo

This area of Colmar is called Litte Venice for its canals and quiant houses. It is a wonderful evening walk through this area and the whole old town of Colmar. Friendly people, beautiful restaurants and great food.  Thanks to Dale and Carlene King for suggesting we add this to our itenary.

New Day Photo

I think this looks like a good wake up, it's a new day photo. This is actually an afternoon shot from our tree-house-type room window. I'm not too sure what this bulding is. All I know it I loved the clouds above it and the clouds reflecting off the windows right into our room in Colmar, France (near German Border). 

AND YOU

What do you think? I want to hear your struggles. I want to help you walk this walk we have been called to. Let's talk.  Here is a photo of Hope...anyway, I think it is.

Motherhood Motherhood: the guilt.......

This is what I'm writing about these days. You could think this book is  basking in my pain because I, above all, should never write a book about GUILT. But I pause, and know that because I've failed in so many ways and Yes, I still want to live and I to cherish those moments, days and years that my mothering Wasn't about guilt.


In Corinthians Paul tells us that He will comfort us and in turn we are to comfort others with that. I desire that. Paul (pretty smart guy) also tells us that God can use the weakest vasel for His Glory and that in our weakness GOD will be our strength. I'm counting on that.


Share with me your struggles in motherhhood guilt and what has helpd you or that you need help


In the midst of my saddest months of guilt, I believe God encouraged me with this poem I wrote, so I could find His peace and in turn encourage you:


                          FORGIVENESS
by Cat


Facing the truth; from the well of my existence,
sorrow so deep I can't find the bottom.
Ripped from my marrow, my flesh, my soul.


How will I ever look up or forward or at tomorrow?
I am full of regret and guilt; turning from, turning towards.
Tears falling again and again - weeping like the weeping willow.


Yet now, I , find my Father, He rocks my soul,
              back and forth,
                                 back and forth.


"I wipe your tears little one,
      I've heard your pain - My heart has felt the hurt,
      felt your guilt and I bring you peace,
                  sweet, lay-you-by-still-waters peace.


It has ripped my soul also.
Remember, 'the east from the west',
                          'whiter than snow.'"


I rest in the One who holds my tears, who loves me
                   in so many ways He gives me grace,
                   hope, joy.
Now I  rest,
     His peace flowing in and around me.

Salzburg, Austria.. Did you ever take a picture of a scene and afterwards you could swear it is a painting yoiu've seen someplace. I have had comments that this is a pic that is an exact replication of a famous painting. Any thoughts?

taken on castle grounds,  overlooking city.

Favorite photo, favorite Paris cafe

The chilly rainy night made this an even warmer cafe, full of life and looking more like a painting. our fav pic of trip. i said, this one you've got to take. Steve is the author.

Well I can't let others think that happy soldier is happy just because he has a great Mom; here  is his wife, the true love of his life.

Sad Heart for those from HOME

Hearts a bit sad today. My Son John (with both boots on) will be out of touch  weeks. This is making his deployment much more real.  He will probably be able to connect a bit with his wife, Rachael; for that I am glad and hope to get some tidbits from her. Now, being unable to connect with him is hard. When he deploys that will be a whole different category.

I seek not to borrow fear and anxiety from the future. I pray I will be like Corrie Ten Boom and understand that I will have the strength to carry the heavy suitcase when I need it. God will provide. But, day one when he is overseas I will run to Evelyn's house. She had sons deployed and they are fine today,.,,and so is she.

Photo today: Halstatt, Austria

Every  day or two I change my desktop photo After a four week trip to Europe I can't decide which photo I want to use permanently. I love this Halstatt photo because of its many lines: triangles, both big and small, squares, vertical and horizontal lines and the wonderful background collage of fall trees and, even further  back to the surrounding mountains.

What do you think?

motherhood

Just read a blog on mamapedia about losing one;s identity when a mother. Put a long post there; feel free to read it.

This has led me to other thoughts of being a woman and mothering. though I'd post a poem or two.

first about being a woman:


When a Woman BY Cat

Only as my woman heart speaks from my soul
do tears of sorrow and joy mingle-
finding union with
who I am.
to feel.....
It is my gift, to express what I know
to struggle with what I don't.
It is my pain, tears flowing from the
well of who I am.
It is my hope,as words of truth
filter through the intuition
of my self.
When a woman
I am at home,
I am free,
to be.

and on becoming a mother I wrote:


When a Mother, BY CaT
My heart has come out of hiding.
forced out by giving love,
giving safety, receiving love.
Creeping and fearful at first
But out it came.
So frightening being responsible
to be in charge of little ones so fragile.
And I, the fragile one (though outsiders never suspect).
But little ones know
they sense the fear
they sense the love
they sense the parts of me broken.
And yet,
little ones have called me with tenderness
and have given me life anew.
Tears flow from the deepest well of my soul.
For love, for joy, for sorrow, for hope.
In hope, that in my mothering
I'm taken beyond I am
to the I AM.

There is more where this came from. Do you identify with any of this? Does it help/hinder?

Thanks for sitting with me.
Cat

IT'S WINTER TIME AND I ALWAYS MISS COLORADO DURING THEIR SNOWY SEASON AND THE COOL FLORIDA DAYS THAT ARE EMPTY OF SNOW. REMINDS ME OF A POEM I WROTE YEARS AGO. HOPE YOU ENJOY:


Colorado Comes to Me
By Cat

Colorado comes to me, early evening breezes refresh the air.
Clouds frolicking in the crispy blue of the Columbine.

I remember the aspen leaves' love of following
running with the wind, their translucent dresses
playing with forever green needles.

Atop peaks of cotton, gold rimmed horizon
streaking a sunset at the end of day over majestic mountains
(giving the word its meaning).

And the snow storm wore different outfits
gentle powder of the angels
whirling-white-wind and wetness
thrashing icy rain-slush-snow flurries.

Though far away, Colorado calls to me, “Come home”.

Okay this isn't exactly Colorado...but it made me feel like I was in Colorado while in Austria